the weekly


Backstop? Not what Britain needs,

But pass my hi-speed Pleasure Beads.


Sad to see the tariff walls:

Charge my buzzing Kegel Balls.


Euro-split? Not cock-a-hoop:

But my butt plug has a finger loop.


Gove may slash and Boris stab. It’s

Time to start my Rampant Rabbits.


Barnier and Donald Tusk?

A massage wand is not so brusque.


Customs Union? I feel rough.

Bring my safe word. Lock that cuff.


Withdrawal hasn’t any charm.

May I please use your Nipple Balm?


Max-fac, Jack? I’ll see you later:

Here’s my Compact Masturbator.


No more welcome in Bavaria –

Lubricate my Schengen Area.


Brexit: I am far from thrilled. Oh

Fetch my strapless strap-on dildo.



Click here for the 'i' story






Sales at the British sex toy company Lovehoney have grown by 22 per cent after a record year for the business, rising from £76m to £93m, says the ‘i’ newspaper, suggesting that ‘amid Brexit gloom…  Britons are leaving their Brexit frustrations at the bedroom door’.

23 January 2019


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