the weekly


I’m bald and fat and rather grey

I’m middle class, a varlet

Do throw your Brexit keys my way

Has anyone seen Scarlett?


I like a warm and wide settee

Find dogging far too fierce

I’m footloose and I’m fancy free

Has anyone seen Pierce?


I’d like to lay down better terms

I’m friendly and I’m chumly

I know of Brexit combs and perms

Bring me Joanna Lumley


My shirt is folded, ditto socks

My nights are on the tiles

Rip up this deal, I’ll box and cox

And hope for Harry Styles


I wait each day for evening frolic

Lots of plots to hatch

My Brexit will be so shambolic!

Where is Cumberbatch?


At a cabinet meeting, Michael Gove was said to have likened MPs holding out for a better deal to “mid-50s swingers” wishing Scarlett Johansson would turn up to one of their parties. (Amber Rudd was said to have added Pierce Brosnan.)

9 January 2019


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