the weekly

Red In Tooth


My teeth are clean, my gums ablaze,

And hygiene is my motto:

Some dental research always pays,

And I’m completely blotto –

The microbes lose their cool pizazz

When you wash your gums with pure Shiraz.


I keep my tooth enamel bright,

I’m as clean as Peter Sarstedt:

My bark is strong but wow, my bite!

I’m absolutely plastered –

The bugs give up their daily bash

When you coat your tongue in neat Grenache.


Inspect my gingivitis! Gone!

I defy my dental critics:

My cuspids play a carillon,

I’m pole-axed, paralytic –

It’s better than unsweetened Polo

When you douse your mouth in Nebbiolo.


How do I keep this winning smile?

I’ll show you in a jiffy:

I am a toothsome oenophile,

I’m banjaxed, stinko, squiffy –

Forget the apple and the carrot,

I’m dining round the clock on claret.




Click here for a Daily Mail article


Red In Tooth

Dr Victoria Moreno-Arribas, from the Institute of Food Science Research in Madrid, found that red wine was excellent for dental hygiene. Unfortunately, it would have to be held in the mouth for twenty-four hours.

25 February 2018


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