the weekly

Almost Certainly


My name is Philip Hammond

I’ve only half a brain

And when the half’s examined

It’s clinically insane


I have one foot to tender

It’s jammed inside my gob

It’s been out on a bender

And it does a lousy job


My hands are full of fingers

But they meddle with the thumbs

The memory still lingers

Of laughing with my chums


And all of us wear blue dye

And all our hearts are woad

We know our mis-shaped crew by

The way each squats, a toad


We’re useless at discussion

Our arguments are lame

Our words are mere percussion

Ain’t it all a fucking shame


Almost certainly we’re useless

At whatever work we do

We’re wastrels, weird and juiceless

And we haven’t got a clue


Click here for a Guardian article




Almost Certainly

“It is almost certainly the case that by increasing participation in the workforce, including far higher levels of participation by marginal groups and very high levels of engagement in the workforce, for example of disabled people – something we should be extremely proud of – may have had an impact on overall productivity measurements” (Philip Hammond).

7 December 2017


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