the weekly


I’m a humble sausage roll,

I’m a pastry-swaddled treat:

Worship me, and sell your soul –

I’m the porkie paraclete:

I’m the icing on the cake.

I am here, your festive bake.


When we come from Nazareth,

Crisp and crunchy, hint of grease,

Geordie Gregg (in heated breath)

Will claim me as his masterpiece.

A sausage roll’s a strong as cheese is.

I like playing Baby Jesus.


I am here, your Christmas scoff:

Martyr to the season’s trade.

Stigmata buffs are bunking off

To see the ovens where I’m made:

Taste my pastry, swallow slowly,

Bow before me, who art holy.


In a manger, for a crib,

Let me strut my wonder stuff:

Evangelist, please load your nib,

To praise my melting golden puff –

Call me Master, call me Lord.

Don’t forget your Gregg’s Reward.


Colour never artificial,

No trans fats or MSG –

Do not be so prejudicial

If the masses worship me –

Here I lie with great mystique,

A new cult opens every week.





Click here for a Guardian article







Gregg's has apologised for a Christmas advert featuring a sausage roll as Jesus in a nativity scene.

15 November 2017


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