the weekly

What Fish Wish

I'm not a little tiddler,
Or a sardine. I'm a trout:
An aquarian Bette Midler,
I like to bawl and shout.

Oh sure, I know a shy cod,
And a bashful bream or three:
They'll plug into an i-Pod,
And eat ants' eggs for their tea.

As a bold fish, not a goldfish,
I'm a fighter and a thinker:
Won't turn up on a cold dish,
Fall for hook, or line, or sinker.

Yes, meet me for a barney,
Or a battle of the wills:
Bring me Paxman, Martha Kearney –
I'm not green about the gills.

I am like a politician
(This may cause a big surprise) –
A fish with erudition,
Who is very worldly-wise.

Who wants a fish with weak will?
There's a world out there. It's grand.
All humankind is equal
And it lives in Legoland.

You used to measure area
With rod or pole or perch,
But I'm a whole scarier,
And I've done some great research.

You'll never see me flounder:
I've the fishy gift of gab.
I'm a beast, and I'm a bounder,
Will not wind up on a slab.

Slippery? Try a head-lock,
And I'll show how well I'm bred:
Provide me with a red block
And I'll clock it till it's dead.

What Fish Wish
Researchers have found that fish have distinctive personalities. Tests which involved tempting rainbow trout to approach (or not) a brick of Lego placed in their tank showed that some were 'shy' where others were 'bold'.
22 November 2006


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