Aspirin, they say, gives the heartbeat
A happy, predictable boom:
Pulses exact as the smart feet
Of butlers on entering a room.
A regular dose of red liquor
Is also thought medically sound -
It helps with the tock of the ticker,
And pushes the corpuscles round.
But now there's a genuine shocker -
A dietary tip to be blessed:
Just swallow two pieces of choco-
late - yes! - and the heart is highly impressed.
Chocolate? What?! Hear the gums weld
Their portions with uncontrolled glee!
But my names are Donald and Rumsfeld.
I'm heartless. It's no use to me.