the weekly

Slugs Thinking


In our garden, things are sluggish,

Munching through the green and grime:

Hardly bothered to be thuggish

As we leave our trails of slime –

We are mucous millionaires.

Austerity? Who really cares…


Sliding forward while we’re drooling,

We eat all the poshest veg,

Pay for sluglets’ private schooling,

Live behind the finest hedge –

We are dukes of special dribble.

Austerity? A tiny quibble…


We are blennhorrheic bruisers,

Burping through the leaves and stalks,

Slurping like a pack of schmoozers

Popping all their wasteful corks –

We’re a sultanate of sputum.

Austerities? We all refute ’em.


Secretive and mock-sebaceous

We consume what you produce –

Sticky, drivelling, rapacious,

We are stored with Tory juice –

Saliva’s moguls, drenched in goo.

Austerity? It’s good for you!




Click here for a Guardian article




Slugs Thinking

‘Put yourself in the mind of the slug,’ urged TV Springwatch presenter, Chris Packham.

July 5 2017


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