the weekly



We are Ulster cyborg agents

Born beneath another Sun

Spreading all our fine contagions.

No man is an island (Donne).

We will help your local droid

Climb out of her awful void.


We are North Irish bots

Servants of the Darker Star:

We would like to call your shots,

Start your automatic car –

Try not to be prejudicial,

All our brains are artificial.


We’re bionic Brits of Orange,

Nothing rhymes with us at all:

We don’t like the Tories, nor enj-

Oy their game of beck-and-call.

Pay our daleks off in tenners:

Mind our birth-star’s silent menace.


We’re the Province automata,

Nemesis beneath our bowlers:

We will help restore your data –

After that, we’re frankly soulless.

Give us cash, and when you’ve paid,

Do not rain on our parade.





Click here for the evil twin Sun story

Click here for the robot self-doubt story






Scientists at Harvard and Berkeley say our Sun had a twin, which has been dubbed Nemesis, and which was responsible for (for instance) the wipe-out of dinosaurs. Another team at Berkeley has proposed adding self-doubt to computers, so that they do not override attempts to switch them off. The Tories sought a loose alliance with the Democratic Unionist Party.

15 June 2017


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