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Taking Back Control

Bring back The Pips,

The secondary mod,

The birches, the whips,

Bring back God,


Bring back the rod,

The perch and the pole,

Restore Mr. Plod,

Bring back Coal,


Bring back Whacko!

Bring back the pipe,

A shag of tobacco,

Bring back tripe,


The hangman’s reprisal,

The groat and garrotte,

Bring back the Izal,

Bring back the pot,


Bring back the leech,

Castor-oiled spoons,

Your wife must drink bleach,

Bring back doubloons.


Bring back authority’s

Cricket bat thwack,

The Moral Majority,

Bring back the rack –


Solve the world with a clout,

Bring back the mangle,

The over-boiled sprout.

And the Acid Drop Spangle.


Click here for an Independent article


Click here for a Guardian article






Taking Back Control

According to YouGov, more than half of Leave voters would like a return to capital punishment; a similar number wanted a return to dark blue passports. About half wanted a return to corporal punishment, and 40% wanted a return to imperial measures. A judge gave a husband a suspended sentence after he forced his wife to drink bleach, and hit her with a cricket bat: she was less vulnerable, he said, because she had a 2:1 degree, and close friends.

30 March 2017


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