For Toffee
I am a well-known public school
Though you may call me private
I rarely ever play the fool:
The things that I connive at
Would make you gasp and roll your eyes.
In other words, I patronise
I have a real monopoly
On brilliant hearts and minds
And save the country properly
From going to the hinds –
I never touch the public purse, sir:
Matron doubles as a bursar
I speak with perfect clarity
About your next donation
And since I am a charity
I am an education
I offer up ten thousand places
Come hither all you unwashed faces
It’s not a gift that should be sniffed at
By the national nose
No eyebrow should have cause to lift at
What I here propose –
Cost to you chaps? Farthings (brass)
(The tax you pay in? Let that pass)
If someone here is from abroad
I think I’ll only say this once
Well anything you can afford –
A decent slab of decent bunce –
We like your sort, and to be candid
You’re how we raise the teaching standard
I stand here filled with your desire
I offer you the ladder’s rungs
I say to you, Climb up and higher
I ask the government for bungs
Pour me your dosh, I’ll add some foam
Learn greatness in my stately home
Click here for a Telegraph article
