the weekly

For Toffee

I am a well-known public school

Though you may call me private

I rarely ever play the fool:

The things that I connive at

Would make you gasp and roll your eyes.

In other words, I patronise


I have a real monopoly

On brilliant hearts and minds

And save the country properly

From going to the hinds –

I never touch the public purse, sir:

Matron doubles as a bursar


I speak with perfect clarity

About your next donation

And since I am a charity

I am an education

I offer up ten thousand places

Come hither all you unwashed faces


It’s not a gift that should be sniffed at

By the national nose

No eyebrow should have cause to lift at

What I here propose –

Cost to you chaps? Farthings (brass)

(The tax you pay in? Let that pass)


If someone here is from abroad

I think I’ll only say this once

Well anything you can afford –

A decent slab of decent bunce –

We like your sort, and to be candid

You’re how we raise the teaching standard


I stand here filled with your desire

I offer you the ladder’s rungs

I say to you, Climb up and higher

I ask the government for bungs

Pour me your dosh, I’ll add some foam

Learn greatness in my stately home


Click here for a BBC article


Click here for a Telegraph article






For Toffee

Public schools will offer 10,000 places to the less well-off, provided the government pays them the cost that would have gone to a state school. One well known public school, Stowe, was revealed to be accepting overseas students in return for a decent ‘gift’.

12 December 2016


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