the weekly

Fantastic News

Come back, our Tony, and all is forgiven:
I'm thinking of you as you're thinking to me.
When you've passed over, and Labour is riven
By splits, it's a cert that we'll miss you, you see.

The medium's your message. And all of the media
Are ordering crystals and a spirit-world guide.
Gordon himself is investing in ouija;
Everyone waits for your new other side.

Collect ectoplasm, and store it, and freeze it –
You'll be out of the world, but not out of a job:
Your time may be up, but please will you seize it –
We need all that nonsense that streams from your gob.

Perhaps you will speak in subliminal fashion,
Perhaps through a bush which is burning in style.
But contact us, bodiless, even if ashen,
Undead (which you've been, so they say, for a while).

Yes, come back, our Tony, and do not forget us:
Ask Doris Stokes what she spins on her loom.
Move the glass. Let it run round the table, choose letters,
While we sit holding hands in your gathering gloom.

Fantastic News
It was everywhere alleged that Tony Blair would step down as PM on 26 July 2007. A leading scientist, Professor Peter Atkins, denounced the invitation to paranormal researchers to take part in a British Association Science Festival, and said that talk of telepathy and the afterlife were 'a charlatan's fantasy'.
6 September 2006


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