the weekly

I Don’t Believe It

I’m glum and dulled and middle-aged

I’ve got the needle, got the hump

When I’m not cheerless, I’m enraged

Who knew the world was such a dump?

I treat the world with condescension

And pray I’ll live to spend my pension


I’m eighty-eight and breed bananas

Each day my brain goes para-sailing

My thoughts of life aren’t far from Dana’s

The world’s without a single failing

I know that I am very clever

And that I’m sure to live forever


Who knew the forties were so stressed

And that the eighties were berserker?

That 40 likes the headbang best

While 80 likes a cool mazurka?

That goodness for the brave research

That leaves folk wisdom in the lurch


I thought the old were in foul form

Because they knew decrepitude

While middle-age cooked up a storm

Not that its life was tepid, stewed

Thank goodness for the ONS

How would we else know facts, unless …





Click here for an Independent story




I Don’t Believe It

A government report has PROVED that the old are happier than the middle-aged

February 4 2016


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