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Going Forward

Dear Tristram, I have read your script:

You sound extravagantly pipped,

And, by the words that you deploy,

It seems you are a sulky boy –

Suggesting now that ‘going forward’

(Use the jargon! Any bore would!)

The Cambridge brains, who represent

A very vital 1%,

Should rise up in their board and gown

And take the Labour front bench down –

The better thus, I catch your drift,

That you and others likewise miffed

Should park their bums upon the seats,

To send out many useless tweets

About how you will save the world

But keep the bright red banner furled.


Tristram, what you’ve hit upon

Is that you are your paragon,

The one who meets all your criteria

For being properly superior –

A man who knows what plans are best,

Who scores high when he sets the test:

We know you’re sometimes very crass,

As when you made yourself an ass

Asking teachers to swear gaily

That they were loyal, do this daily.

You now suggest you are élite

(Since you were Cantab.), can’t be beat –

Although the one who gained your job*

Is Oxford fodder, and no snob –

And add in, for the bloody bargain

A piece of useless business jargon.


The fact is that, why I support

J. Corbyn is, the very thought

Of you in any sort of power

Made me decide to leave your shower

For what I think is sterling rain.

I won’t be coming back again,

And Tristram, if you think this shit,

Perhaps you’d care to say you quit.


Click here for a Guardian story






*Lucy Powell



Going Forward

Erstwhile shadow Education secretary, Tristram Hunt told a Cambridge student audience to consider this: “You are the top 1%. The Labour party is in the shit. It is your job and your responsibility to take leadership going forward.”

4 November 2015


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