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Wag Tales

When we're killing Brazil,
And we're murdering Germans,
And scything the Socceroos down,
Don't think of your WAGs
Out there shopping for bags,
And generally painting the town.

You'll be all hits and misses
If you're dreaming of kisses
And you're bound to shoot over, I'll bet;
Don't think of their thighs,
Watch the goalkeeper's eyes
As you're fixing each bright bayonet.

When you're fighting for justice,
A babe and a bust is
Distracting. It ruins your aim
If you think of your tot
On the penalty spot.
For God's sake, this isn't a game.

Did Bush think of Laura
(Though he may adore her)
When he bombed? Did Blair think, 'Cherie'?
Who thinks of his lass in
His role as assassin?
Don't be soft, lad. And kill some for me.

Wag Tales
English footballers' wives and girlfriends are known colloquially as WAGs. Their presence at the World Cup has been criticised, with former England manager Bobby Robson declaring, “We're going to war. You can't fight a war worrying about your wife or child. For one month, kiss them goodbye.”
20 June 2006


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