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On Her Majesty's Secretive Service

The name is Osborne, George Osborne:

The orchestra strikes up my tune.

My evil’s malarial, moz-borne;

I haven’t a heart to impugn.

I have a crush upon sterling –

Moneypenny. Love her to bits.

Here’s the policy I’ll be unfurling

To conquer the socialist twits.


The name is Osborne, George Osborne:

I sing with unmerited stealth

Each voter will weep that he was born

Although wait! “Inherited wealth!”

I am Her Majesty’s private,

Licensed to maim and to kill:

So here’s my new plan to connive at –

You will not fear death when you’re ill.


The name is Osborne, George Osborne:

When the middle class say, thanks a million,

They’ll mean, their inherited wads form

The future. Oh I am reptilian.

The ones who have never a fiver

Will perish like Oddjob and Jaws,

Every rich kid will be a survivor …

Let me drink in your glorious applause.


The name is Osborne, George Osborne:

You can bank all your family lucre –

You won’t be the bankrupts, dear frogspawn,

Or deprived of the family verruca –

007 insists, as you’re British,

That your wealth should expand and continue –

You’ll be smarmy and snooty and skittish

Once I’ve made sure this little slug’s in you.




Click here for a Guardian story (inheritance tax)


Click here for an Independent story (James Bond)




On Her Majesty's Secretive Service

George Osborne’s budget proposes taking houses up to the value of a million pounds out of inheritance tax. A musical is planned for James Bond.

July 8 2105


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