the weekly


I was the toast of warrior queens,
in a cruel world I grew tough in,
but my memorial's has-been beans
and the dregs of Egg McMuffin.

I scythed the Romans to their knees,
and made their legions retch up
blood, where now there's melted cheese,
and some sachets of old ketchup.

My troops were blue, and I was bluer,
there was passion in my thighs;
I raised my standard where a sewer
is choked with extra fries.

The Empire trembled when I rallied:
I ordered its collapse,
not fast food and a dodgy salad,
nor tasteless burger baps.

My suicide was here. I died
in a war against extortion.
But I'll have some cole slaw on the side.
Oh thanks. And an extra portion.

The site of Boadicea's last stand has been identified as a Mcdonald's restaurant in Birmingham.
May 24 2006


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