Fifty Shades
If DIY is not enough
If you’re one who simply longs
To go right at it (hammer, tongs)
If you’re never off-the-cuff
If you want to take some pains
If you are the sort who hopes
To try your hand with ties and ropes
If your job requires chains
If you’d like a willow wand –
Perhaps you have a job that screams
“Hang me from some wooden beams” –
If you need some UniBond
If you need some special tackle
Say a heavy duty bender
Or some solder, just to mend a
Power tool or dodgy shackle
If you need a special job
Glue gun in a special holster
Or a Spear and Jackson bolster
If you want a moulded knob
A clamp and spreader, or a shifter?
An airer with an extra arm?
A pressure gauge? A smoke alarm?
Perhaps a double suction lifter?
Step this way, I beg you please
The plugging chisel’s just for you
On Wednesday, here at B & Q
There’s special rates for OAPs
Click here for a Guardian article
Click here to buy a copy of Bill’s poetry collection Ringers
Click here for Bill’s New Statesman research project
