the weekly

Can't Cook! Won't Cook!

The great unwashed, who cannot cook,

Must (swiftly please) be brought to book

A book of course they cannot read,

For words are not for them. Indeed 

Their role in propping up the pile 

Is low and needy (rather vile),

The drudgery for which their class 

Exists. They are the nation's arse.

But Cookery! For heaven's sake.

They're bred to fry, to boil, to bake,

To wash, and afterwards to dry.

(But not to eat. They live and die

To serve The Upper House - the leisured -

And on their uppers they'll be measured.)


I may offend to pigeonhole 

The hoi-polloi upon the dole,

By urging them to leave their lagers 

And spend more time on using Agas...

Good job that they are not Patels

The corner-shopping ne'er-do-wells

Who cause delays on motorways 

When they have cuts of meat to braise,

When there are vegetables to bubble.

How dense they are! They're too much trouble :

Daft they are, and dumb as deaf,

And don't deserve to be a chef ...


Click here for an Independent article (Jenkin)


Click here for an Independent article (Farage)


Click here for an Independent article (Hollingworth)


Can't Cook! Won't Cook!

Baroness Jenkin averred that the poor did not know how to cook; ergo their problems. Nigel Farage blamed the slow pace of the M4 on immigration. A judge (Richard Hollingworth) resigned after suggesting an assault victim would be easy to call to court because her surname - Patel - meant she couldn't be doing anything important  - e.g. she would be working in a corner shop.



December 8 2014


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