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Dear David, thank you very much

For helping us to understand

That though you haven’t been in touch,

You’re still a power in the land –

It is so good to glimpse your face

So full of tepid air and grace.


So good to see you’ve kept your wit,

Your vim, your charm, perhaps your youth,

Your knowledge – you’re so full of it! –

Your sex appeal, your wonky tooth:

So glad to hear that, in this mess,

There’s one who swears by politesse.


I see, Sir, that you would demur

From what a cabman calls a route,

When there are ways you would prefer.

He disagreed! Well, what a hoot!

A man like you? Of such great note?

These chaps, they’ve really missed the boat –


It is as if the hoi-polloi

Had once betrayed his wife and state

And been the tabloids’ fleeting joy –

So well done, setting records straight,

Reminding us the greatest spivs

Are always The Conservatives.



Click here for a Guardian article

Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers

Click here to follow Bill’s New Statesman research





Former minister David Mellor to taxi-driver: I don’t want to hear from you, shut the fuck up. You’ve been driving a cab for 10 years, I’ve been in the Cabinet, I’m an award-winning broadcaster, I’m a Queen’s Counsel. You think that your experiences are anything compared to mine?

26 November 2014


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