The Proverbial
If a murder victim
With blood upon his chest
Should find a knife that’s pricked him
And told you, do the rest,
Protest and say you’re certain
That he should be defied:
If he goes for a Burton
You’d be up for suicide.
If there is a hungry snake
Upon your neighbour’s lawn,
Don’t feed it, if it is awake,
With freshly crumbled Quorn:
Warning – it may bite your spouse
Should he or she be bored.
If a snake should con you with its vows,
It’s you who’s up for fraud.
If a red-hot tiger lily
Should, an old flame, fasten
Upon your mouth, say, Don’t Be Silly,
We’ll both be done for arson,
Larceny, and theft (at most).
If your logic’s in this shape
You’re a Norfolk radio host
Who can’t make sense of rape.
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