the weekly

The Proverbial

If a murder victim

With blood upon his chest

Should find a knife that’s pricked him

And told you, do the rest,

Protest and say you’re certain

That he should be defied:

If he goes for a Burton

You’d be up for suicide.


If there is a hungry snake

Upon your neighbour’s lawn,

Don’t feed it, if it is awake,

With freshly crumbled Quorn:

Warning – it may bite your spouse

Should he or she be bored.

If a snake should con you with its vows,

It’s you who’s up for fraud.


If a red-hot tiger lily

Should, an old flame, fasten

Upon your mouth, say, Don’t Be Silly,

We’ll both be done for arson,

Larceny, and theft (at most).

If your logic’s in this shape

You’re a Norfolk radio host

Who can’t make sense of rape.



Click here for a Guardian article

Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers

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The Proverbial

Nick Conrad of Radio Norfolk had his two penn’orth on rape, a propos the case of Ched Evans, the Sheffield Utd footballer now training after a prison sentence as a rapist: “Women need to be more aware of a man’s sexual desire; that when you’re in that position that you are about to engage in sexual activity there’s a huge amount of energy in the male body... and it’s very difficult for many men to say no when they are whipped up into a bit of a storm… if you yank a dog’s tail then don’t be surprised when it bites you… you can’t keep snakes in the garden and think they’ll only bite your neighbours.”

19 November 2014


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