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Everyone's a Winner

I was having British tiffin

With a croissant on the sly

When I heard about Nick Griffin

And his lazing racial eye,

And as I ate, I thought, poor slob,

He’s only gone and lost his job.


I was having British brekkers

With a ravioli twist,

When I heard the Cameron-wreckers

Do the Madison and Twist,

And as I watched him lose his seats,

I thought how sad were his defeats.


I was scoffing British fodder

With a glass of Spanish red

When I saw the Lib Dems dodder,

Be, with one exception, dead.

How hard they’d worked. It seemed to me

Unfair. I had some kedgeree.


I was swallowing some high tea

With some new-shaved parmesan

When I saw how Labour’s Blighty

Was as desperate as Dan –

They’d won more seats, but not enough

To claim they’d called the nation’s bluff.


I was downing morning-afters

When I saw the SNP

Not raising all the rafters –

They’d squeaked it, you’d agree.

I heard emerging words like Damn and

Blast it spill from Alex Salmond.


I was watching Nige Farago

And his strangely lipless grin:

It seemed impressive cargo

What his odd rods had reeled in –

Some protest votes, no councils gained,

And victory where most abstained.


So cheer up politicians

As I curry my fresh eggs –

You’ve all been out on missions

And your votes have been the dregs:

Get out and down the local boozers –

What a happy band of losers.


Read the Daily Mail coverage here

Click here for Bill’s New Statesman research

Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers







Everyone's a Winner

The local elections and European elections appeared to do nobody very much good, even UKIP: although The Daily Mail doesn't quite agree with me.

25 May 2014


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