Everyone's a Winner
I was having British tiffin
With a croissant on the sly
When I heard about Nick Griffin
And his lazing racial eye,
And as I ate, I thought, poor slob,
He’s only gone and lost his job.
I was having British brekkers
With a ravioli twist,
When I heard the Cameron-wreckers
Do the Madison and Twist,
And as I watched him lose his seats,
I thought how sad were his defeats.
I was scoffing British fodder
With a glass of Spanish red
When I saw the Lib Dems dodder,
Be, with one exception, dead.
How hard they’d worked. It seemed to me
Unfair. I had some kedgeree.
I was swallowing some high tea
With some new-shaved parmesan
When I saw how Labour’s Blighty
Was as desperate as Dan –
They’d won more seats, but not enough
To claim they’d called the nation’s bluff.
I was downing morning-afters
When I saw the SNP
Not raising all the rafters –
They’d squeaked it, you’d agree.
I heard emerging words like Damn and
Blast it spill from Alex Salmond.
I was watching Nige Farago
And his strangely lipless grin:
It seemed impressive cargo
What his odd rods had reeled in –
Some protest votes, no councils gained,
And victory where most abstained.
So cheer up politicians
As I curry my fresh eggs –
You’ve all been out on missions
And your votes have been the dregs:
Get out and down the local boozers –
What a happy band of losers.
Read the Daily Mail coverage here
Click here for Bill’s New Statesman research
Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers
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