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How'd You Solve A Problem Like?

My dear Maria Miller, we are sad you had to go,

But the gravy train had long gone from the station.

We know you have apologised, and that it’s been a blow,

And that you’ve had some righteous indignation.

My goodness how you hung on with your claws and dripping jaws!

But it was always bound to be a case of Early Doors.


We know how thought can trick you, since it is of course subliminal,

How honest you must seem when you are passing looking-glasses,

How hard it is to say out loud, ‘Oh golly, I’m a criminal,’

Especially when you don’t belong to any working classes –

How nasty are the journalists! They’re quite beyond the pale:

It’s awful to have buddies like The Telegraph and Mail.


Deep down, we think the time will come when folk regain their senses,

Although it may be far too late for you to keep your seat –

Yes, one day we’ll say MPs must have infinite expenses

And anyone who tells a fib or three is not a cheat.

Look back and think, and rightly, that commissioners are fools,

And jobsworths who insist that rules are absolutely rules.


Click here for a Guardian article


Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers


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How'd You Solve A Problem Like?

Maria Miller finally left the Cabinet after her terse apology about her failure to declare expenses.


9 April 2014


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