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If you have a lion cub
Peckish for a piece of meat
And you’re short of proper grub
Give it fresh giraffe to eat

If your chickens lay no eggs
When you’re ready with the box
Take them down some proper pegs
Feed them to a passing fox

If your puppies run amok
With the Andrex or a ball
Toss them lightly in a wok
And flog them from a burger stall

If the elderly, infirm
Clog your sitting room or lawn
Slice them for a pachyderm
Or shred them into pseudo-Quorn

Should your children or your wife
Be surplus to your chosen style
Decapitate them with a knife
And chop them for a crocodile

If you are in charge of flood
Fetch some ploughs and forks and sickles
And pour some wasted pints of blood
Down the maw of Eric Pickles

Lastly, if you own a zoo
With excess flocks or packs or herds
Blend yourself into a goo
And fill the bellies of the birds


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News Feed

A young giraffe at Copenhagen zoo was killed and fed to lions in front of young children. It was said it was surplus to requirements (more recent reports have suggested it was to prevent inbreeding).


12 February 2014


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