the weekly

Everyone Must Go

Benefits need trimming, strimming;
Most of them need halving:
Here’s a tip to help in slimming,
So the poor aren’t starving.
This is done with nous and wit
To help your loss of benefit.

Take a pill we’re sending round
(The cost of it is cheap –
We’ll only dock a single pound)
And take it in your sleep –
It contains a blue balloon.
Hunger pangs will vanish soon.

The immigrants, the underclass
Will cheer at this sensation –
They help the nation off its arse
By positive inflation –
Who needs to eat, or cogitate,
When losing so much useless weight?

Leave eating to the well-employed,
The lazy, rich and greedy,
And fill your poor but perfect void
Until you’re not so needy.
A pill to win elections with!
Sincerely, Iain Duncan-Smith.


Click here for a Guardian article

Click here to buy Bill’s poetry collection Ringers

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Everyone Must Go

A new diet pill has been launched which contains a balloon. Further cuts to welfare benefits were considered.

21 January 2014


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