the weekly

Two Plus

Send children at the age of two
To school. I would. Well, wouldn’t you?
They’re old enough to walk. The nation
Needs them all to solve equations,
To parse a sentence, that they teach
Their parents all the parts of speech,
Read Sophocles and put his play on –
A pox on plasticine and crayon!

Let education start at speed
For one-year-olds. It’s what they need:
While toddling, let them face detention
If they decline the third declension.
Their daily study must be built on
Shakespeare, Austen, Chaucer, Milton:
No baking cakes or donning pinny –
But plenty of the elder Pliny.

For suckling babes, before they crawl:
A session in the old school hall,
A lecture on their thought’s design
In Plato, Ayer, Wittgenstein,
The gurgle and the coochi-coo
To be replaced by parlez-vous,
The histories of queens and kings
And not the flight of baby-swings.

Lastly,  inculcate our spawn:
Teach algebra to our unborn.

Click here for a Telegraph article

Click here to buy a copy of Bill’s poetry collection Ringers

Click here for Bill’s New Statesman research project


Two Plus

It’s been suggested by the head of OFSTED that the parlous state of the economy and the education system can only be cured by sending children to school at the age of two.

6 November 2013


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