the weekly

Spot The Difference

I can’t tell the Tate from Tate Modern
I can’t tell a Hockney from Hirst
Bannockburn? Or was it Culloden
Where the Scots or the English came first?
I can’t tell a walrus at all from a seal
The Footsie? Monopoly? Which one is real?
It might be a grass-snake or mamba
It might be a mammoth or jumbo
Is this a tango, or is it a samba?
I can’t tell a goulash from gumbo
I am equally good, or else equally bad
At telling a fiddle from elegant Strad
Is that one a thrush or canary?
I can’t tell the East from the West
What might be my diary might be a dairy
I can’t pass the Stork-butter test
But I’ve spotted Conservatives since a mere baby
They’re not Liberal Democrats. There again, maybe

Click here for a Guardian article
Click here to buy Bill’s new poetry collection, Ringers


Spot The Difference

A blind test suggested that violinists can’t tell a modern violin from a Stradivarius


4 January 2012


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