the weekly

Safe Journey

For those of you facing a missile
Arriving far faster than sound
And fear that you’ll wind up as gristle
On a patch of unspeakable ground
Here is some news on the pertinent issue –
We’re making a missile that’s programmed to miss you
At present you may be out walking
Or whistling or following whims
When a missile may come at you, hawking
And turn you to loose piles of limbs
We’ve read your complaints and we’ve told our designers
To show you the plus side instead of the minus
In future when bombs paste your postcode
They’ll carry a system alerting
The warhead. You won’t walk a ghost road
And watching it may be diverting
You’ll stay in one piece, and you won’t be a martyr
And gasp as our missiles grow smarter and smarter
So no need to be quite so nervous
But walk around war-zones and gaily
It’s part of our customer service
To minimise risk to you daily
We can’t guarantee that we’ll rescue you all
But in case of mistakes, here’s a number to call
Click here for an article in The Independent

Safe Journey

At the Paris air-show, missile-makers Perseus announced plans to produce a missile which would avoid innocent civilians. (N.B. 'Missile' rhymes with 'thistle'.)

23 June 2011


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