the weekly

The Authorised Virgin

You're the top! You're a bearded sweater!
You're the top! You're a real jet-setter!
You're a moonlit knight on a long-haul flight to Perth,
You're Monsieur Chauvin, the coq who's au vin,
You're Virgin birth.
You're the moon, you're the new Onassis!
Your balloon's full of dodgy gases!
I'm a pretty minx who will fix your drinks, long-hop,
because baby, watch my bottom and my top.

You're the top! You're the Rose of Montreux!
You're the top! Your preneur is entre!
When it comes to staffing, you're The Laughing Cavalier,
You're a noble scion, a Landseer lion,
You're a pioneer.
You've a plan, which makes pots of money!
You're a fan of the Hefner Bunny!
I'm a busty bourbon-server on your turbo-prop,
because baby, watch my bottom and my top.

The Authorised Virgin

Virgin Airways have been found guilty of discriminating in favour of young leggy blondes when recruiting stewardesses in Australia.

with apologies to Cole Porter
11 October 2005


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