Churchill was cheerful, a charmer
Who handed out brandy, cigars;
Attlee would say to you, flatly
'Your flowers are fab. Here's a vase.'
Visit Lloyd George and he'd hang out the flags.
Gladstone brought gobstoppers out of his bags.
Thatcher was kindly and caring –
She never gave side-kicks a rocket.
Wilson was keen upon sharing
And left you a pound in your pocket.
Disraeli liked dancing, and gave you a caper.
Chamberlain was happy to slip you some paper.
Eden was shy, rather thoughtful:
He never invaded your space.
Major liked nothing much better
Than a full custard pie in the face.
Heath laid on visits to concerts and ships.
Blair gave you hugs, or a kiss on the lips.
Callaghan – God, he was jolly,
In his summer and spring of content.
Baldwin would buy you a lolly:
What a fine and magnanimous gent.
Bonar Law? Basful, a bit of a lisper.
Macmillan would only converse in a whisper.
But Gordon explodes like a tanker
With a huge nitro-glycerine load:
He's frankly addicted to rancour
And he sulks like an elderly toad.
Downing Street staff, and it's happening daily,
Are beaten to pulp with a splintered shillelagh.
His heart is far harder than granite;
He fills civil servants with dread.
He's the cruellest man on the planet.
He wishes your family was dead.
If he caught you in corridors, having a laugh,
He'd call Harriet Harman to saw you in half.
It's no good your ringing Aunt Esther.
Better vote for young Cameron or Clegg.
Dave is a regular jester
And Nick may play sit-up-and-beg.
Far better follow a simple young clot
Than a man who has blood which is boilingly hot.