the weekly

No Great Shakes

I sit beside my bare-faced boss
And marvel at his stillness
He does not shiver, shake or toss
And does not suffer illness
For all the world he is a man
Carved out of sturdy Parmesan

As grand as finest Portland stone
Or any ice-bound river
Despite the marrow in his bone
I've never seen him quiver
Despite the smell of gelatine
He is a Buddha, quite serene

I say they broke the ancient mould
When tipped on to the plate
As still as steel, as good as gold
I've not seen him vibrate
Though juicier than Pepsodent
He has the hardness of cement

Now there are leaders made of fudge
And leaders made of fluff
But I can tell you, he'll not budge
He's made of stronger stuff
I know that he must be my master
Because he's stiff as dental plaster

No camera has ever caught his
Movement nor his dread
Sometimes he seems like rigor mortis
And some suspect he's dead
Whatever fire's in his belly
I've never seen him look like jelly

Watch him seated here beside us
As fresh as frozen cauli
The Tory Party's final Midas
The rock cake on their trolley
Electors! See the man sit tight
And vote for Mr. Araldite.

Read the Independent article here

Read Bill's 'Bill Posters' blog by clicking here

No Great Shakes
“I sit next to David Cameron every morning as we look at the political situation. He does not wobble.” – William Hague, quoted in The Independent.
10 February 2010


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