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Primate Suspect

While out upon a walkabout
*****and feeling red and raw
I felt the urge to talk about
*****the jungle's natural law
I wanted more than going ape
*****I wanted to feel danger
I wanted (there was no escape)
*****to kill a nearby stranger

When Johnny Cash hit Reno
*****he shot a local guy
after drinking too much vino (maybe)
***** 'just to see him die'
and normally, I would admit
*****there's nothing much absurder
but inwardly I craved a hit
*****I wanted to try murder

I saw a willing victim
*****who looked, I'd say, half-human
and I feel I would have picked him
*****if I'd been the late Paul Newman
He strutted like a gangster
*****He had a nasty cheek
and so I felt no angst or
*****any ethics, so to speak

Now Africa's neither Wild nor West
*****nor home to Colt or Buntline
Jesse James might fail its test
*****if found upon its front line
But here we have a high high noon
*****and something told me Kill
I bared my teeth – I'm one baboon
*****who chewed up A.A. Gill

And as I sank my angry teeth
*****into his nether regions
I felt my apeness far beneath
*****I owed him some allegiance
He tasted spice-less, smelt – the reek! -
*****and perhaps it wasn't fair
since in a restaurant next week
*****there'll be an empty chair

Read the Sunday Times column written by A.A. Gill

Read Bill's 'Bill Posters' blog by clicking here

Primate Suspect
In a restaurant review for The Sunday Times, A.A. Gill casually opened with the news that he'd shot a baboon dead the previous Wednesday. 'I wanted,' he said, 'to get a sense of what it might be like to kill someone, a stranger.'
28 October 2009


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