I am a sardine, in a can,
I swim in brine, serene:
But I am like, so says a man,
A nuclear submarine:
Use my key with due aplomb,
And I will go off like a bomb.
We are two tiddlers in a tin,
And wriggle in it gaily:
But science proves that we can sin
Like crooks at the Old Bailey:
Take us home, and you will find
That we will rob your family blind.
I am a little stickleback,
Steal fish eggs for a meal.
I also deal in bricks of crack.
You want to make a deal?
Forget the clam, forget the chowder:
For I produce the purest powder.
I am a tadpole, from the spawn
Plug-ugly frogs have laid,
But science shows that, when I'm born,
I act like a grenade:
You see my tail, the way it flits?
Well, I could blow you all to bits.
I am a minnow, your M.P.,
Inside a standing pool,
A small fish – would you like to see
What's in my yellow drool?
Scaly, squalid, wholly charmless –
And science says I'm wholly harmless.
Read the Times story about sharks here
Read the Times story about dolphins here