Eye No Candy
I am a grizzled veteran
*****who's read the TV news,
But I'm a seasoned journo and
*****I've been a frontline hack.
I've made my way, I've had my say,
*****I've also paid my dues:
In fact you may conclude that I have
*****been to hell and back.
How else to be the man who reads
*****the tele-prompt so clear?
How else to shuffle papers
*****with a widget in my ear?
I've spoken to the nation
*****about death, disease, disaster,
Announced the fall of governments,
*****and many wars abroad.
I've spoken to prime ministers.
*****I am the perfect master
Of feeding you with bulletins
*****that must not be ignored.
How else to be the man who greets
*****the camera with brains?
How else to josh the weatherman
*****who tells us how it rains?
But now I am retiring
***** (and will get my proper honour),
And find my place is taken by
*****a face above a frock –
I am not bitter, not at all,
*****but heap my curses on her:
How many times, I ask you, has
*****the girl been round the block?
What has she got which qualifies
*****her for the awful pressure?
Am I so ugly, honestly?
*****And is she so much fresher?
