the weekly

I'm Only Here For The Bare

It's a shame. It's a scandalous saga.
It makes the mind wander and warp.
Do they think that I like drinking lager? –
Of course not. I go there to gawp.

The delights here in Munich are legion,
And as mayor, I am proud to attest,
That I live for the thrill of our region –
Our festivals, drooling for breast.

Who'd waste his time on a tipple,
When drawn to such flames like a moth?
It's the thought, not of beer, but of nipple
That makes my mouth suddenly froth.

How has Bavaria earned all
Its fame? With the foam of a stein?
Of course not. What's under that dirndl?
Give me what's rightfully mine.

A fraulein is hired to wander
Through gardens where I like to sit,
My drink going flat, as I ponder
On the fabulous trance of her tit.

I'm Only Here For The Bare
EU regulations say Bavarian waitresses must cover up their cleavages to avoid skin cancer. “A waitress is no longer allowed to wander round a beer garden with a plunging neckline,” commented the mayor of Munich. “I would not want to enter a beer garden under these conditions.”
3 August 2005


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